Life can be hard and have difficult moments. Our perspective on a situation can change the way we feel about it and ourselves. Do we want to have shorter pain or longer suffering? This depends partly on how we view and react to a situation. Can we use the lemons life gave us to make lemonade? This is an interesting concept that can help you change your perspective to change your emotional state.
We are not denying that things are hard. We validate our experiences as challenging. We are simply trying to make it easier on ourselves. Tell yourself that you are doing your best and look for what hope you can grab onto.
When we feel emotions like anger, anxiety, and sadness, our instincts will tell us to act a certain way. For example, when you are feeling depressed you may want to isolate yourself and be alone (different than me-time which is enjoying healthy time alone). It may be tempting to stay in bed and sleep the day away. Opposite to Emotion Action is a skill used to fight against those initial responses that are actually damaging.
First, recognize the emotion that you are feeling. Try using this emotion wheel to identify specifically how you are feeling in the moment.
Next, identify the action urge or your initial idea for how you want to react to the emotion. For example, if you are angry you may want to yell or punch something at first. Your instinct could be “fight or flight”.
Reflect on if the action urge matches the FACTS of the situation. Will the action actually help the situation or make it worse?
If the action urge does NOT fit the fact, do the opposite action until your emotions change.
Here are some examples of Opposite to Emotion Action that we completed in group:
How do you “act the opposite” when faced with difficult emotions? Comment below!
When we feel emotions like anger, anxiety, and sadness, our instincts will tell us to act a certain way. For example, when you are feeling depressed you may want to isolate yourself and be alone (different than me-time which is enjoying healthy time alone). It may be tempting to stay in bed and sleep the day away. Opposite to Emotion Action is a skill used to fight against those initial responses that are actually damaging.
First, recognize the emotion that you are feeling. Try using this emotion wheel to identify specifically how you are feeling in the moment.
Next, identify the action urge or your initial idea for how you want to react to the emotion. For example, if you are angry you may want to yell or punch something at first. Your instinct could be “fight or flight”.
Reflect on if the action urge matches the FACTS of the situation. Will the action actually help the situation or make it worse?
If the action urge does NOT fit the fact, do the opposite action until your emotions change.
Here are some examples of Opposite to Emotion Action that we completed in group:
How do you “act the opposite” when faced with difficult emotions? Comment below!
As you are getting to know yourself and becoming more self-aware, recognize what you would like to improve. Set small, achievable goals. We can’t make huge changes overnight, but taking small steps is more realistic and leads to goal achievement. Reward yourself for your small milestones.
Make your goals SMART!
S – Specific: Make your goals as detailed as possible
M – Measurable: Set how many days or times do you need to reach your goal. How do you know you reached the goal?
A – Achievable: Set, small goals so that you do not get discouraged by trying to complete a huge goal all at once. Check out the next section to see how to break down your goals.
R – Relevant: Does your goal make sense in your current circumstances?
T – Time-bound: Have a date that you are trying to reach your goal by.
Example of a goal that does not fit the SMART model: I will stop drinking soda.
Example of a SMART goal: In my first week, I will drink one can of soda a day at lunch (instead of 2) and start to drink 3 glasses of water a day. I will drink one glass of water with breakfast, lunch, and dinner. In my second week, I will drink one half of a soda a day and 4 glasses of water. I will have water breakfast, snack, lunch, and dinner. In my third week, I will not drink soda and drink 6 glasses of water a day, a glass at breakfast, lunch, dinner, and 2 snack times. I plan achieve this goal by January 1, 2022.
This goal is achievable and relevant given that the person in this example is pre-diabetic and looking to reduce sugar intake. These are small and achievable goals with a set date to meet them.
Make routines enjoyable
Put all of your daily goals or tasks onto a wheel at https://wheelofnames.com/. The wheel will “choose” what you will do next, taking out some of the effort of making a choice. This is a cool and fun way to make reaching your goals more into a game.
For example, put different short exercises onto your wheel or hobbies that you would like to do for 10 minutes a day. I believe that everyone can carve out 10 minutes out of their daily life and it feels great to know that you achieved that goal and took time for yourself.
What goals are you working on currently? Comment below!
As you are getting to know yourself and becoming more self-aware, recognize what you would like to improve. Set small, achievable goals. We can’t make huge changes overnight, but taking small steps is more realistic and leads to goal achievement. Reward yourself for your small milestones.
Make your goals SMART!
S – Specific: Make your goals as detailed as possible
M – Measurable: Set how many days or times do you need to reach your goal. How do you know you reached the goal?
A – Achievable: Set, small goals so that you do not get discouraged by trying to complete a huge goal all at once. Check out the next section to see how to break down your goals.
R – Relevant: Does your goal make sense in your current circumstances?
T – Time-bound: Have a date that you are trying to reach your goal by.
Example of a goal that does not fit the SMART model: I will stop drinking soda.
Example of a SMART goal: In my first week, I will drink one can of soda a day at lunch (instead of 2) and start to drink 3 glasses of water a day. I will drink one glass of water with breakfast, lunch, and dinner. In my second week, I will drink one half of a soda a day and 4 glasses of water. I will have water breakfast, snack, lunch, and dinner. In my third week, I will not drink soda and drink 6 glasses of water a day, a glass at breakfast, lunch, dinner, and 2 snack times. I plan achieve this goal by January 1, 2022.
This goal is achievable and relevant given that the person in this example is pre-diabetic and looking to reduce sugar intake. These are small and achievable goals with a set date to meet them.
Make routines enjoyable
Put all of your daily goals or tasks onto a wheel at https://wheelofnames.com/. The wheel will “choose” what you will do next, taking out some of the effort of making a choice. This is a cool and fun way to make reaching your goals more into a game.
For example, put different short exercises onto your wheel or hobbies that you would like to do for 10 minutes a day. I believe that everyone can carve out 10 minutes out of their daily life and it feels great to know that you achieved that goal and took time for yourself.
What goals are you working on currently? Comment below!
If you’re asked to list the top people in your life, you may first think of your friends, family of origin and choice, and other members of your support system. However, the relationship we have with ourselves is the MOST important one. We all think of that saying that you can’t help others unless you are helping yourself. The most common example is that you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others on the plane.
It’s essential for positive mental health outcomes to care about yourself and your own happiness. It’s important that you treat yourself like you would your best friend. Take time to nurture and care for yourself.
-Have some me-time! Being alone can be difficult for some. Take that time to enjoy your hobbies for at least 10 minutes a day.
-Take yourself out on a date and get to know yourself!
-Find one thing about yourself that you love and is unique.
-Give yourself encouragement through affirmations and positive statements.
Self-acceptance is part of self-love. Life can be challenging, and many things are out of our control. I often ask my clients what is in your control and what is out of your control? What changes can you make for the things you can control? For example, my clients with health struggles find that it starts to affect their mental health. We often begin by discussing any changes they can make and on the other hand, what is out of their control and requires acceptance.
Acceptance is NOT denying that life can be hard. Validate your struggles and know that sometimes the journey to finding peace and happiness is not easy. It’s normal to take a few steps forward and then take one step back. One of my favorite sayings is: if you beat yourself up, use a feather not a stick! Be easy on yourself and know that you are doing your best.
Good sleep is necessary for maintaining optimal mental and physical health. Here are some tools to help improve your sleep hygiene today!
1. Have a Sleep Schedule: Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day. Try not to sleep in more than an extra hour on your days off.
2. Start a Bed-Time Routine: Create a night-time ritual to prepare your body and mind for sleep.
3. Don’t Force Yourself to Sleep: If you can’t sleep after 20 minutes, get up and do a calming activity. Try to avoid screens which can make you feel more awake.
4. Avoiding substances: Alcohol, nicotine, and caffeine can affect your sleep. Make a caffeine cutoff time because caffeine can stay in your system up to 12 hours!
5. Avoid Napping: Try to take a nap for an hour or less if you need to.
6. Only Use your Bed for Sleep & Sex: Do not associate your bed with wakeful activities. Avoid watching tv, scrolling through your phone, and other activities in bed.
7. Exercise and Eat Well: Exercise and a healthy diet can help with sleep. Avoid a big meal or intense exercise 2 hours before sleeping.
8. Sleep in a Comfortable Place: Your room should be dark, quiet, and comfortable. Use a mask and ear plugs if needed!
9. Do not panic: If you can’t sleep, remind yourself that you are still resting. Do not get up for the day and give up on sleep. Tell yourself that being awake is not a catastrophe.
10. What to do if you are anxious or overthinking: Focus on how your body feels and what you can do to release the anxiety. Try some grounding skills from my previous post. Write down any worries you are having. Listen to a calming podcast or YouTube video. Try a guided meditation app or YouTube video. Progressive Muscle Relaxation videos have helped me to fall asleep and relax my body by slowly tensing then relaxing my muscles.
Note: Do what works best for you. Some people may fall asleep better with the television on, or can drink caffeine all night without it effecting them. These are tips mainly based on Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills that are general and helpful especially if you have ongoing insomnia.
Affirmations are positive and present tense statements that a person declares to be true about themselves. They are used to create better habits and improve experiences.
By practicing affirmations, a person can change their behaviors, health, mood, and thinking patterns.
Benefits of Affirmations
-Decrease stress and worrying
-Increase physical activity
-Cope better with everyday challenges
-Increase hopefulness
-Build self-esteem & confidence
-Reduce depression
Here is a study that shows how positive affirmations can effect reward centers in the brain leading to objectively achieved behavior changes!
Here is a simple run-down of the Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) concept of Wise Mind. Your mind is made of 2 parts, emotional mind, and reasonable mind. When these two minds meet, it creates the wise mind. We want to try to live in the wise mind to make the best decisions possible when faced with difficult situations.
Emotional Mind – Think of the “hot place” in your mind where your emotions take over. This is great for passion, creativity, and caring about others. However, it can be chaotic, unpredictable, and tiring when emotion mind takes over.
Reasonable Mind – This concept is more of a “cold place”. Think of a profession like an accountant who deals with only numbers. Living in reasonable mind is good for learning, planning, and thinking. If it takes over, it could be boring and repetitive.
Wise Mind – This is where emotional and reasonable minds meet. It is essential for balance, self-care, making decisions, and building self-confidence.
Here is a exercise from one my groups. Think of this example:
You are a waitress at a restaurant. A customer comes in and eats their entire meal. They tell you that they did not like the food and refuse to tip you.
Emotion Mind (how do you feel?): I feel angry, sad, disappointed, etc.
Reason Mind (what can you do?): I can quit my job or tell the customer that they should find a new restaurant to go to.
Wise Mind – Balance feeling and doing:
I’m angry in the moment, but I can talk to my supervisor about this and explain that it did not have to do with my own job performance.
I can look for a new job where I am appreciated and feel happy.
I can calmly explain to the customer that the service was good and that the tip can be based off of good service.
Here is a short video about Wise Mind that explains this concept in easy to understand terms:
Try ACCEPTS when you are having overwhelming and distressing emotions like anxiety, fear, and depression. Take a break from the situation to gather your thoughts and cool down before making a decision on how to proceed. This skill is used as a distraction coping technique. This does not mean ignoring or denying that there is a problem, just taking a mental break!
A – Activities
Focus attention on a task you need to get done
Rent movies; watch TV
Clean a room in your house
Play computer games
Go for a walk or exercise
Call or video chat a friend
Download and/or listen to music
Build/create something
Spend time with those you’re living with
Play cards
Read magazines, books, comic
Do crossword puzzles or Sudoku.
Comment more suggestions!
C – Contributions
Find volunteer work to do
Help a friend or family member
Surprise someone with something nice (a card, a favor, a gift, etc.)
Give away things you don’t need
Check in on a friend or loved one
Make something nice for someone else
Do something thoughtful.
What is something you have done or can do this week to help others?
C – Comparisons
Compare how you are feeling now to a time when you felt differently (ie. a week ago, an hour ago, etc.)
Think about people who may be going through something similar, but may have things more difficult (find gratitude in your situation)
What are you grateful or thankful for in your life?
E – Emotions
Choosing an activity that makes you have a different emotion than what you are currently feeling. For example, if you are feeling fearful do not watch a scary movie. Try a comedy instead!
Activities could include:
Reading emotional books or stories, old letters, cards etc. (ie. happy books, funny cards, comic books etc.)
Watch emotional TV show or movies (ie. comedy, romance, scary movie, action, etc.)
Listen to emotional music (ie. motivational, religious, calming, energizing, etc.)
P – Pushing Away
Trying to stay grounded while pushing away stressful thoughts. Sometimes that means putting some thoughts aside for now, so you can address them at another time when you feel calmer and less distressed. Pushing away could look like:
Push the situation away by leaving it for a while
Build an imaginary wall between yourself and the situation
Block thoughts and images from your mind
Notice ruminating thoughts: Yell “No!”
Refuse to think about the painful situations
Put the pain on a shelf. Box it up and put it away for a while
Check out my previous blog about Ground Techniques for more suggestions!
T – Thoughts
Find a way to distract your thoughts
Practice:
Pick a color and name everything you see in that color.
Name as many animals as you can think of.
S – Sensations
*Find a way to fully immerse yourself in your senses. Examples could include:
Squeeze a rubber ball very hard
Listen to very loud music
Hold ice in your hand or mouth
Go out in the rain or snow
Take a hot or cold shower
In future blogs I will tell you more ways to use your 5 senses to distract yourself from distressing emotions!
Caroline Hubschman, LSW 